dad jokes about essays

823 Essay Jokes That Will Write Their Way Into Your Heart

If you’re here, it means you’re ready to delve into the world of essay jokes.

Not just any jokes, but the top-tier ones.

That’s why we’ve drafted a list of the most hilarious essay jokes.

From thesis-tickling puns to bibliography-busting one-liners, our compilation has a joke for every facet of essay writing.

So, let’s dive into the witty world of essay humor, one joke at a time.

Essay Jokes

Essay jokes possess a certain wit that can lighten the mood of students, teachers, and anyone who has ever had to grapple with academic writing.

These jokes aren’t merely about the essays themselves but also about the entire process of creating them.

From the caffeine-fueled late-night writing sessions to the struggles with writer’s block, citations, and deadlines, there’s plenty of humor to be found in the world of essay writing.

To craft the perfect essay joke, one must play with the common frustrations, unexpected twists, and the sometimes absurd academic requirements that students face.

Ready to procrastinate a little more?

Unleash some laughter while penning down your thoughts with these essay jokes:

Why did the essay fail its driving test? It couldn’t stay within the margins!
What did the essay say to the computer? Stop trying to correct my grammar, you can’t comma-n-dare me!
What did the essay do at the party? It got paragraphs drunk and made them all fall in line!
Why did the essay fail math class? It couldn’t solve the word problems!
Why did the essay become a comedian? Because it always had a punchline at the conclusion!
What did one essay say to the other? “I’m a paragraph above the rest!”
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It found out it wasn’t its type!
What did the essay say to the computer? “Stop capitalizing every word, I’m not THAT important!”
What do you call an essay that’s 100 years old? Ancient text-timony!
Why was the math essay always so worried? It had too many problems to solve!
Why did the essay get in trouble at school? It couldn’t resist making too many pun-ctuation jokes!
Why did the essay wear a hat? It wanted to cover up its improper “punctuation”!
Why did the essay go to the gym? It wanted to exercise its strong arguments!
Why did the essay go to the party alone? It wanted to make a strong thesis statement!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “Let’s stick together, paragraph by paragraph.” .
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses while reading the essay? It was a bright idea!
What did the essay say to the student? “You’re not my type, I’m looking for someone more focused.”
Why did the essay wear glasses? It had too many footnotes to see clearly without them!
Why did the essay get in trouble? It was caught “plagiar-reading” other essays!
What did the essay do when it got tired? It put a conclusion to bed.
Why did the essay break up with the conclusion? It just wasn’t a good wrap.
What did the essay say to the pencil? “You’re going to be my write-hand man!”
Why did the essay always get lost? It kept wandering off-topic!
What did the essay say when it finished writing? “Phew, I’m finally out of ink-formation!”
Why was the essay so confident? It knew it had a lot of good points!
Why did the essay ask for a break? It needed to rest its punctuation marks – they were feeling comma-tose!
Why did the essay take a nap? It needed to rest its punctuation marks!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It wanted to get some laughs after all the serious references!
Why did the math book never want to be friends with the essay? It was tired of all its problems!
What did the essay say to the student? “I’m here to give you an A+-titude adjustment!”
Why did the tomato turn red while writing an essay? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the essay get an “A+?” It wrote a thesis that was on point.
Why did the essay wear sunglasses? It wanted to make sure its future was bright!
Why was the math book jealous of the essay? Because the essay had more “profound” thoughts!
What did one essay say to the other during a competition? “I’ve got an introduction that will hook the readers!”
Why did the essay cross the road? To reach the conclusion on the other side!
Why did the essay go to the art gallery? It wanted to find inspiration for its “wordsmithing”!
What do you call an essay about a crazy rabbit? A hare-raising story!
Why did the essay get an “A” in English class? It knew how to properly structure its paragraphs – it had great essay-tential!
What did the essay say to the student? “I’m just a few drafts away from perfection!”
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I’m feeling really underdeveloped. Can you give me a few more paragraphs?”
Why did the essay cross the road? To get to the other paragraph!
Why did the tomato turn in its essay late? It was caught up in a sauce of procrastination!
What did one essay say to the other? “I’ve got a thesis-terious plot twist!”
What do you call an essay that’s been kicked out of school? Dis-missed!
Why did the essay get a detention? It couldn’t stop using “I” in every sentence – it was too self-centered!
Why did the essay always carry a dictionary? It wanted to define its success.
What do you call an essay that’s full of spelling mistakes? A “wordy” disaster!
What did one essay say to the other about their teacher’s feedback? “Let’s not make conclusions, but this guy needs to get some new puns!”
What did the essay say to the computer? “I’m sorry, I can’t Ctrl-Alt-Delete you!”
What did the essay say to the conclusion? “I think it’s time we wrap it up!”
Why did the student eat their essay? They wanted to have a well-written lunch!
What did the essay do when it got writer’s block? It tried to brainstorm, but it got stuck in a thought loop!
Why did the essay take a trip to the library? It needed to check out some references… and maybe a good novel too!
What did the essay say to the other essay at the party? “Let’s make some paragraphs together!”
Why did the essay get a poor grade? It didn’t have enough conclusion-fidence.
Why was the essay so good at math? Because it had plenty of problem-solving paragraphs!
Why did the essay get a detention? It was caught using too many puns and causing a “write” disturbance!
Why did the essay get in trouble with the teacher? It had too many indents – it couldn’t stop making bad puns!
Why did the pencil go to the essay writing contest? It wanted to prove it had the write stuff!
Why did the essay eat a dictionary? It wanted to improve its word count.
Why did the essay go to the comedy club? It wanted to work on its punchlines.
What did the essay say to the student? “I’m here to make your grade pun-believably good!”
Why did the essay get lost in the library? It couldn’t find its thesis statement!
How do you make an essay more delicious? Add a lot of spicy pun-chlines!
Why did the essay go to therapy? It had too many paragraphs and needed help organizing its thoughts!
Why did the essay go to the party? It wanted to show off its well-structured paragraphs and clever wit!
Why was the essay so good at telling stories? Because it had a lot of plot-twists!
What did the essay say to the computer? “Stop pressing my buttons!”
Why did the essay wear glasses? It had too many puns and needed to look more “profound”!
Why did the student eat their essay? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake!
Why did the essay visit the bakery? It wanted to get some “paragraphfait”!
Why did the essay go to the therapist? It had a lot of unresolved paragraphs!
What do you call an essay that’s all about cheese? A cheesy composition!
Why did the essay go to the doctor? It had too many words and needed a word count reduction!
Why did the computer refuse to write the essay? It couldn’t find the “write” button!
Why did the essay bring a flashlight to the exam? It wanted to shed some light on the subject!
What did the essay say to the procrastinator? “Stop writing me off!”
Why did the essay get an “A” in English class? It was well-comma-nded!
What did the essay say to the pencil? “You’re really good at getting my point across!”
How did the essay feel after a long night of editing? Well, it was well-versed in exhaustion!
Why did the essay want to join a band? It thought it would be a great opportunity to show off its sharp thesis statement!
What do you call a humorous essay about a crazy teacher? A chuckle-worthy lecture!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It wanted to get some good “puns” across!
Why did the essay cross the road? To avoid being read by the teacher!
What’s an essay’s favorite type of math? Alge-bruh.
Why was the essay’s conclusion always so emotional? It just couldn’t handle the farewell!
What did the essay say to the notebook? Let’s bind ourselves together and create a masterpiece!
Why did the computer get a low grade on its essay? It couldn’t find the Ctrl key to control its thoughts!
Why did the essay get in trouble at school? It was caught plagiarizing the dictionary.
What did the essay say to the pencil? Stop rubbing me the wrong way!
Why did the essay go to the art museum? It wanted to learn how to structure its paragraphs like a masterpiece!
How do you make an essay laugh? Give it a good thesis punchline!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It found another source that had more words to offer!
Why was the essay always late? It had a tendency to “introduce” itself over and over again!
What did the essay say to the teacher? “I think I deserve an A+. I’m ‘write’ on the topic!”
Why did the essay take a vacation? It needed some time off to find its thesis statement!
What did one essay say to the other essay during an argument? “You’re not making any valid ‘points’!”
Why did the essay get a ticket? It had too many run-on sentences – it couldn’t break for periods!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It wanted to find its own definition of love!
What did the essay say to the computer? “Please don’t Ctrl+Alt+Delete me!”
Why did the computer go to school? It wanted to improve its essay abilities!
What did the essay say to the pen? “You complete me.” .
What did the essay say to the pencil? “You’re dotting all the ‘i’s, but I’m doing all the writing!”
Why did the essay fall asleep during class? It was exhausted from all the “page” turning research!
What did the essay say to the spelling mistakes? “You’re tearable!”
What did the essay say to the student? Stop copying my ideas, you’re not adding anything paragraph-sonal!
Why do essays always feel lonely? Because they’re always in a drafty room!
Why did the essay get an “F”? It wasn’t well-structured; it was just a bunch of random wordy thoughts!
Why did the essay take up acting? It wanted to win an Oscar for its dramatic conclusion!
Why was the essay always cold? It could never find the right “thesis” jacket!
Why did the essay get a ticket? It didn’t follow the “write” of way!
Why did the essay refuse to attend the fancy party? It didn’t want to be just another well-structured paragraph!
Why did the essay go to the doctor? It had a severe case of writer’s block – it couldn’t stop running out of ideas!
What do you call an essay about a famous composer? A Bach-elor’s thesis!
Why did the essay fall asleep? It couldn’t keep its eyes on the topic.
Why did the essay want to become a stand-up comedian? It was tired of being confined to the margins – it wanted to take center stage!
Why did the essay bring a ladder to the library? It wanted to reach the highest shelves of knowledge!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “We should stick together, we make a great thesis statement!”
Why did the essay get in trouble with the law? It had too many run-on sentences!
How did the essay feel about the deadline? It thought it was a “punctu-action” movie!
Why did the essay go on a diet? It wanted to shed some excess “word” weight!
What did the essay say to the pencil? “You’re looking sharp today!”
Why did the essay go to the party? It wanted to show off its impressive word count!
What did the essay say to the student? “Stop procrastinating, I’m due tomorrow!”
What do you get if you cross a clown and an essay? A lot of funny footnotes!
Why did the essay take a vacation? It needed to get away from all the word count.
Why did the essay get a ticket? It was parked in the wrong conclusion!
Why did the essay get a ticket? It was caught exceeding the word limit!

Short Essay Jokes

Short essay jokes are like a well-written thesis—concise, clever, and immediately engaging.

These jokes are ideal for study breaks, enlightening social media banter, or amusing your academic friends.

The genius of short essay jokes lies in their ability to highlight the humor in scholarly pursuits, delivering a chuckle in just a few academic jargon-filled phrases.

So, gather your quills and parchments!

Here are some short essay jokes that will help you find humor amidst all the footnotes and bibliographies.

What’s an essay’s favorite season? Sum-merry (summary)!
How did the essay feel after a long night of writing? Ex-hausted!
What did the essay say to the teacher? I’m well-versed in procrastination!
Why did the student bring a ladder to the library? For high-references!
What do you call a marathon for essays? A word race!
What did one essay say to the other? Let’s compare and contrast!
Why did the essay go to the gym? To get stronger arguments!
What did the essay say to the conclusion? “Let’s wrap this up!”
Why did the essay get bad grades? It couldn’t stay on topic-sentence!
What do you call an essay about baking? A piece of cake!
Why did the essay go to school? To get a proper introduction!
What’s an essay’s favorite type of coffee? Deca-punctuation!
What did the essay wear to the party? Proper punctuation and grammar!
What did the essay say to the research paper? You need citations!
Why did the essay get a ticket? It wasn’t using proper citations!
Why did the essay join the gym? To get in shape… paragraphs!
Why was the essay always cold? It kept getting an intro-draft-ion!
What do you call a sad essay? A tear-rific composition!
What do you call a ghost writer for essays? A transparent writer!
What’s an essay’s favorite exercise? Proofreading crunches!
Why did the essay join the circus? It loved performing word acrobatics!
What do you call a short essay? A paragraph-y!
Why was the essay so well-dressed? It wore proper paragraphs!
Why did the student always carry an eraser? In case of “essay-takes”!
What did the essay say to the computer? “You’re not my type!” .
What do you call a ghost writer’s essay? A boo-k report!
Why did the essay always win arguments? It had a strong thesis!
What’s a writer’s favorite type of essay? A “word-robe”!
Why was the essay so popular? It had a great introduction!
What do you call a ghostwriter for essays? A “spooktacular” wordsmith!
What did the essay say to the computer? You’ve got my Word!
What do you call a spider that writes essays? A word weaver!
How did the essay feel after finishing a long paragraph? “Indented”!
Why did the essay feel lonely? It couldn’t find its “thesis” group!
Why did the essay become a teacher? It loved giving examples!
What do you call a plagiarizing essay? Copycat-ions!
What do you call a hilarious essay? A “laugh-terpiece”!
Why did the essay become a cheerleader? It loved to support arguments!
What’s an essay’s favorite snack? A thesis pudding!
What did the essay say to the grammar mistakes? “You’re not write!”
What’s an essay’s favorite exercise? Quota-tions!
Why did the essay get a high grade? It had great “arguments”!

Essay Jokes One-Liners

One-liner essay jokes are the academic version of comedy, serving laughter on a plate of intellectual humor.

They’re akin to penning down a brilliant essay in one stroke – striking, concise, and effortlessly witty.

Constructing a great one-liner involves a mix of ingenuity, exactness, and a profound understanding of linguistic humor.

The test is to embody both the setup and punchline within a small framework, delivering maximum laughter with minimum wording.

May these essay one-liners inspire your inner scholar while tickling your funny bone:

My essay is like a rollercoaster ride – it starts off slow, becomes chaotic in the middle, and leaves everyone questioning their life choices by the end.
I started writing my essay at the speed of light, but then it hit a black hole called writer’s block.
My essay is so good, it deserves an award for fiction.
My essay-writing process: 1% inspiration, 99% procrastination.
Writing an essay is like going on a blind date with a blank page; you never know what you’re going to get, but you hope it won’t be a disaster.
My essay is like a roller coaster – it starts strong, gets confusing in the middle, and leaves the reader feeling queasy at the end.
My essay is like a maze of thoughts and ideas, but instead of finding a way out, it just leads you in circles until you’re lost and confused.
Writing an essay is like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle on a tightrope – it’s a delicate balancing act of words.
My essay is a masterpiece in disguise – if you squint your eyes and tilt your head, you might mistake it for something remotely intelligent.
Why did the essay get a high grade? It mastered the art of being well-structured with pun-chlines.
Writing an essay is like trying to navigate a maze of information, hoping to find the exit of a coherent argument.
My essay is like a sandwich – full of filler and lacking substance.
Writing an essay is like trying to climb Mount Everest, except instead of a breathtaking view at the top, you’re greeted with a mediocre grade.
The only thing harder than writing an essay is trying to pronounce the word ‘essay’.
My essay is like a magic trick…it starts with an introduction, has a disappearing word count, and ends with a conclusion that magically ties everything together.
Writing an essay is like trying to find a needle in a haystack of words, except the needle is your thesis statement and the haystack is your brain.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a house with toothpicks and glue.
I procrastinate so much that my essay topic is “How to waste time effectively.” .
My essay is so boring that even the spell check fell asleep.
Why did the essay feel lonely? It only had a thesis statement and no supporting evidence.
I wrote an essay so brilliant that even my computer couldn’t handle the sheer genius and crashed.
An essay is the perfect opportunity to showcase your ability to write an entire page without actually saying anything meaningful.
My essay is like a roller coaster ride – filled with highs, lows, and a lot of screaming.
My essay is like a rollercoaster, full of twists, turns, and nauseating moments.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a sandcastle with a toothpick during a hurricane.
My essay is proof that procrastination is an art form.
Writing an essay is like trying to walk on a tightrope made of words, while hoping you don’t fall into a pit of grammar mistakes.
My essay is a masterpiece… if you consider stick figure drawings to be art.
Writing an essay is like running a marathon, except instead of sweat, you’re covered in ink stains.
My essay is so boring that even counting sheep would be more exciting.
My essay is a masterpiece of avoidance tactics disguised as academic writing.
My essay is so good, it should come with a laugh track.
Writing an essay is like playing a video game without any cheat codes – it’s frustrating and you often feel stuck.
Writing an essay is like solving a Rubik’s Cube – you have no idea where to start and it feels like it’ll never end.
Essays are proof that procrastination can turn even the simplest task into a complex journey through self-doubt and desperation.
My essay is like a bad dance routine – it has no rhythm, lots of awkward movements, and leaves everyone confused.
I procrastinated so much on my essay that I accidentally wrote a novel about my cat’s daily routine.
Writing an essay is like trying to drive a car blindfolded, with one hand on the wheel and the other hand searching for a pen.
I asked my professor for an extension on my essay, and he responded with a laugh and said, “Sure, I’ll extend your deadline…until next year!”
My essay is so bad, it should come with a warning label: “Caution: May cause drowsiness.”
Writing an essay is just a fancy term for organized word vomit.
My essay is like a maze, and I’m the one lost in it.
My essay is so full of fluff that it could be mistaken for a pillow factory.
I tried to make my essay longer by increasing the font size, but my teacher wasn’t fooled by “Arial deception.”
My essay on the importance of a good night’s sleep is keeping me up all night.
My essay is like a rollercoaster ride – full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and makes you want to puke at the end.
Writing an essay is like trying to walk on a tightrope made of words – one wrong step and you’re in a grammatical mess.
My essay is proof that procrastination can lead to a masterpiece…of mediocrity.
My essays are like a puzzle – I have all the pieces, but they never seem to fit together in the right way.
My essay writing skills are so impressive that I can make a 500-word essay feel like a 5000-word essay.
My essay is a masterpiece of random thoughts, held together by a fragile thread of coherence.
Writing an essay is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – it’s a never-ending struggle.
The only thing more terrifying than a blank page for an essay is a blinking cursor, mocking your lack of creativity.
I tried to make my essay more interesting by adding some jokes, but all I got was a failing grade and a note from my professor saying, “Stick to writing.”
My essay is like a well-done steak…rarely seen and full of substance.
I wrote an essay about paper airplanes, but it didn’t fly with my teacher.
If my essay were a person, it would win an award for the most irrelevant and unrelated thoughts ever expressed.
Writing an essay is like taking a cross-country road trip with a GPS that only speaks in Shakespearean insults.
My essay is like a good joke – it takes a while to get to the punchline, but when you do, it’s worth it.
Writing an essay is like being trapped in a never-ending loop of introduction, body, and conclusion – a vicious cycle of words and frustration.
My essay was so bad, it made my spell-checker cry and my teacher laugh hysterically.
Writing an essay is like trying to fit your life story into a tweet – it’s impossible and you end up feeling frustrated and limited by the character count.
I tried to write an essay about my favorite food, but it just turned into a shopping list for snacks.
My essay is so long that I need a GPS to navigate through all the unnecessary details.
I don’t always write essays, but when I do, they’re due tomorrow.
My essay is like a puzzle, but the pieces are made of confusing words and sleep deprivation.
Writing an essay is like trying to untangle a spaghetti of thoughts, but with proper punctuation.
The word ‘essay’ is just the letter ‘S’ trying to get its life together.
Why did the essay become a detective? It loved to explore evidence and uncover mysteries.
My essay is the perfect cure for insomnia.
Writing an essay is the only time where my word count is inversely proportional to my knowledge on the subject.
My essay is like a puzzle with missing pieces – I’m not sure where they went, but I hope the professor won’t notice.
My essay started as a blank canvas and ended up resembling a Jackson Pollock painting of words.
My essay is like a roller coaster ride – it starts with excitement and ends with regret.
My essay on the benefits of laughter was so funny, it got a standing ovation…from the paper shredder.
Writing an essay is like going on a blind date…you never know if it will be a disaster or a masterpiece.
My essay is like a magic trick – it starts off confusing, leaves the reader baffled, and ends with a sense of disappointment.
My essay is like a bad relationship – it starts with high hopes, quickly turns into a mess, and leaves me feeling exhausted and disappointed.
My essay is like a bad horror movie – it’s full of cliches, has no plot, and leaves the reader screaming for mercy.
Writing an essay is just a fancy way of saying ‘let me Google that for you.’.
Writing an essay is like running a marathon, except you’re sitting down and your only competition is writer’s block.
My essay is so good, it deserves a standing ovation…or at least a standing desk.
Why did the essay refuse to attend the party? It didn’t have a good hook to grab attention.
My essay is like a bad hair day – no matter how hard I try to fix it, it just gets worse.
My essay is like a maze, except there’s no way out and no cheese at the end.
Writing an essay is the adult version of coloring inside the lines, except the lines keep moving and there’s no eraser.
My essay is a beautiful masterpiece… if you squint your eyes and tilt your head to the side.
Writing an essay is like playing hide and seek with your own ideas…and sometimes they’re just really good at hiding.
I once wrote an essay so mind-blowingly boring that it caused my professor to spontaneously take a nap.
Why did the essay win the race? It had a strong conclusion that crossed the finish line first.
My essay is like a Kardashian – full of words, but with no real substance.
Writing an essay is like folding a fitted sheet, it’s frustrating and nobody really knows how to do it.
Writing an essay is like trying to solve a math problem with words instead of numbers.
I tried to write an essay, but my pen had other plans and ran out of ink.
Writing an essay is like trying to make a gourmet meal with only a microwave – it’s a recipe for disaster and disappointment.
Writing an essay is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – no matter how hard you push, it just won’t work.
If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I would have a gold medal in essay writing.
Writing an essay is my version of extreme sports.
My essay was so full of errors, it looked like I let a mischievous monkey loose on my keyboard.
Writing an essay is like walking through a minefield of grammar mistakes and forgotten citations.
Writing an essay is the perfect excuse to procrastinate by reorganizing your sock drawer.
My essay is like a roller coaster – it starts strong, gets confusing in the middle, and ends with a sigh of relief.
Writing an essay is like trying to untangle a necklace – it takes patience, determination, and a lot of curse words.
My essay is like a magician’s trick – it starts strong, then makes you wonder where it all went wrong.
Writing an essay without coffee is like trying to drive a car without fuel – it’s a guaranteed breakdown.
I procrastinate so much that my essay on time management is already overdue.
Writing an essay is like trying to navigate through a maze while blindfolded – you just hope you’ll eventually find your way out.
My essay on procrastination got delayed for weeks. The irony is strong with this one.
My essay is so boring that if someone reads it, they might actually develop a new appreciation for watching paint dry.
My essay is like a good story – it has an introduction, a plot twist, and a sudden ending.
Writing an essay is like playing hide and seek with your own thoughts, hoping they’ll come out of hiding long enough for you to write them down.
The only essay I’ve ever aced was the one I dreamt about the night before the deadline.
My essay is like a rollercoaster ride – full of ups and downs, and by the end, you’re just glad it’s over.
My essay is so boring, it could cure insomnia faster than a lullaby.
Writing an essay is a great way to make your brain feel like a hamster on a wheel – lots of running but going nowhere.
Writing an essay is the perfect opportunity to use big words I don’t understand in order to sound intelligent.
I thought writing an essay was a piece of cake, but now it feels more like a slice of humble pie.
Essays are proof that you can make a lot of words without actually saying anything.
Why did the essay break up with the notebook? It wanted to be free, not confined to lines.
I spent more time coming up with a catchy title for my essay than I did actually writing the entire thing.
I don’t always write essays, but when I do, I make sure to procrastinate until the very last minute.
Writing an essay is like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded, with a pen as your only guide.
Writing an essay is like trying to convince your brain to cooperate while it’s on vacation in Bermuda.
My essay is a perfect example of how to use big words to say absolutely nothing.
Writing an essay is the best way to make five pages feel like a never-ending novel.
Writing an essay is the only time where I can use big words to make myself sound smart, even if I have no idea what they mean.
The secret to writing a successful essay is 10% inspiration, 20% perspiration, and 70% procrastination.
My essay is like a bad joke – it starts off promising but ends with a disappointing punchline.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a sandcastle during high tide – you make progress, but it gets washed away just as quickly.
I tried to write an essay once, but my pen got stage fright and refused to perform.
Writing an essay is like playing a game of hide and seek… with your own thoughts.
My essay is so bad that even autocorrect can’t fix it.
Writing an essay is the only time I can genuinely blame my lack of creativity on Times New Roman.
Writing an essay is like trying to nail Jello to the wall.
The only thing more exhausting than writing an essay is pretending to read it in front of the class.
I’m not sure if my essay is a work of genius or if I’ve simply lost my mind.
My essay was so long, it could double as a doorstop and still have enough pages left for a sequel.
Writing an essay is like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands…it’s slippery, elusive, and you often end up getting pricked by a metaphorical hook.
Writing an essay is the only time when it’s acceptable to talk about yourself in the third person.
If my essay had a theme song, it would be “I Will Survive” because that’s how I feel every time I finish one.
Writing an essay is like trying to tame a wild horse – you start with a clear plan but end up being dragged in unexpected directions.
Writing an essay is like trying to catch a cloud with a butterfly net – it’s impossible and you end up looking ridiculous.
I wrote my entire essay in wingdings font to confuse my professor and myself simultaneously.
Writing an essay is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces, and then realizing you lost half of them.
An essay is like a puzzle where the pieces are words and your brain is missing half of them.
Writing an essay is like playing a game of hide and seek with your thoughts – sometimes they’re hiding so well you can’t find them at all.
Writing an essay is a bit like running a marathon, except without the physical exercise or the sense of accomplishment.
My essay is like a marathon runner, it started strong but lost steam by the second paragraph.
My essay was so poorly written, even my pen started questioning its own ink.
An essay is just a bunch of fancy words pretending to be important.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a puzzle where half the pieces are missing and the other half don’t fit. .
I started my essay with high hopes, but it quickly turned into a literary train wreck.
My essay is like a never-ending road trip… with no map or GPS.
Writing an essay is like trying to fit a thousand words into a one-page box; it’s a real word jigsaw puzzle.
My essay is a masterpiece, if you consider “masterpiece” a synonym for “complete nonsense.”
I procrastinated so much on my essay that it’s now sponsored by Netflix.
Writing an essay is like playing hide and seek with your own thoughts – you spend hours trying to find them and then realize they were hiding in your brain all along.
Writing an essay feels like trying to swim upstream in a river of jumbled thoughts and fragmented sentences.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a skyscraper with alphabet blocks – it always ends up a little wobbly.
Writing an essay is like playing hide and seek with your thoughts – sometimes they’re hiding so well, you start to doubt if they even exist.
Writing an essay is like trying to explain why you’re single on a first date – it’s a delicate balance of honesty and creativity.
My essay is so repetitive, it’s like an annoying song that gets stuck in your head and you can’t escape no matter how hard you try.
My essay is like a bad haircut – I tried to fix it myself and now it’s just a mess that makes people cringe when they look at it.
My essay’s conclusion is like a magician’s trick, it promises to tie everything together but leaves you wondering how it happened.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a sandcastle during a hurricane – it’s a messy process that often ends in disaster.
Writing an essay is like running a marathon with a backpack full of dictionaries – it’s slow, tiring, and you end up questioning your life choices.
I asked my essay if it was an introvert, it replied, “I’m an intro-verse.”
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It had the perfect punchlines for every paragraph.
Writing an essay is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, except the peg is made of words and the hole is made of your professor’s expectations.
My essay is proof that procrastination and panic make a deadly combination.
Writing an essay is like trying to explain a complicated concept to a goldfish.
I procrastinated writing my essay so much that I accidentally discovered a new species of dust bunnies under my desk.
Writing an essay is like trying to run a marathon with a pen as your only form of transportation.
My essay is like a chef’s special dish – a unique blend of procrastination, caffeine, and sheer desperation.
Writing an essay is like trying to untangle Christmas lights – frustrating, time-consuming, and somehow you end up with more knots than you started with.
My essay is so good, it could convince a cat to take a bath voluntarily.
Writing an essay is like trying to explain quantum physics to a goldfish – both will leave you feeling confused and mentally exhausted.
My essay is so bad, it could be used as a cure for insomnia.
My essay has more filler words than a sandwich shop on a lunch rush.
Writing an essay is the perfect way to prove that you have the ability to turn caffeine into coherent sentences.
I tried to write an essay about time travel, but I just couldn’t finish it in time.
I’m convinced that the word ‘essay’ is just a fancy way of saying ‘torture by words’.
My essay is like a boss battle in a video game…except instead of defeating a monster, you’re conquering the fear of a deadline.
My essay is like a math problem without a solution – it’s just a bunch of meaningless numbers and letters.
The word count of my essay is directly proportional to the amount of irrelevant rambling I can fit in.
Writing an essay is like trying to explain a broken vase to a blind person.
Writing an essay is the academic equivalent of trying to solve a complex math problem using only a broken calculator.
My essay skills are so bad, I could probably write a whole thesis on procrastination and still not finish it.
Writing an essay is a great way to discover just how many synonyms you can find for the word ‘procrastination’.
I tried to write a 10-page essay, but I accidentally wrote my name wrong 10 times.
The only thing that’s more terrifying than a blank page is a deadline for an essay on that blank page.
My essay is like a Rubik’s Cube – I keep rearranging the words, but it still doesn’t make any sense.
Writing an essay is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded – you keep twisting and turning, hoping it all falls into place.
Writing an essay is like trying to convince a cat to take a bath – it’s a struggle, it’s messy, and it often ends in scratches.
The only thing longer than the word count on my essay is the list of excuses I have for procrastinating it.
Writing an essay is like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle – it’s chaotic, dangerous, and guaranteed to end in disaster.
My essay is so good that it should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive laughter and spontaneous applause.”
My essay is proof that even words can go on a rollercoaster ride of emotion and confusion.
Writing an essay is the only time when you can confidently use big words you don’t even understand, and hope the professor doesn’t either.
Writing an essay is the closest thing to a mental marathon I’ll ever experience.
I have a love-hate relationship with essays, it’s like a roller coaster ride through a dictionary.
An essay is just a sophisticated way for teachers to ask “Can you repeat what I just said, but in more words?”
My essay is so boring, I wouldn’t be surprised if it puts the reader into a deep sleep and they wake up wondering where they are and why there’s drool on their chin.
My essay is like a puzzle – I just hope the pieces fit together in the end.
Writing an essay is like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded – you’re just stumbling around, hoping to find the way out before you hit a dead end.
Writing an essay is like trying to fit a marathon into a tweet.
My essay is like a perfectly timed joke…except instead of laughter, it induces tears.
Writing an essay is like running a marathon, except instead of sweating, you cry tears of frustration.
My essay was so boring, it could put a caffeinated squirrel to sleep.
My essay is like a bad relationship, it keeps going off-topic and refuses to make any sense.
I wrote an essay about paper and it was a real sheet show.
My essay is like a beautiful painting… except it’s just a blank canvas.
Writing an essay is like trying to herd cats – frustrating, chaotic, and prone to scratches.
Writing an essay is like trying to impress your teacher while having an existential crisis at the same time.
I’m convinced that writing an essay is just a fancy way of saying, “I’m going to Google this topic and hope for the best.”
Writing an essay is like trying to build a Lego castle without the instructions – you’re just blindly putting pieces together and hoping it turns out okay.
Writing an essay is just a polite way of saying “I have no idea what I’m talking about.” .
I procrastinated so much on my essay that it’s now considered a historical document.
Writing an essay is the perfect opportunity to prove how much you can say without actually saying anything at all.
The only thing scarier than starting an essay is the moment you realize you have to finish it.
My essays are like a rollercoaster ride – they start off slow, have a few loops, and make you want to throw up at the end.
Writing an essay is a delicate dance between sounding intelligent and sounding like you’ve swallowed a dictionary and are regurgitating words randomly.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a skyscraper with toothpicks – a lot of effort for a questionable result.
I always start my essays with the best intentions and end up with the worst conclusions.
My essay on time management is due tomorrow, I guess it’s a perfect example of irony.
I tried to make my essay sound sophisticated by using big words, but it ended up sounding like a thesaurus threw up on the page.
Writing an essay is like trying to build a sandcastle with wet sand – messy and frustrating.
Writing an essay is like trying to untangle a spiderweb – the more you mess with it, the more tangled it becomes.
An essay is just a collection of fancy words arranged to make you question your life choices.
Why did the essay get an F? It didn’t have an introduction, just a “Hi, my name is…”

Essay Dad Jokes

Essay dad jokes are the ideal combination of wit and humor, crafted meticulously to spark a round of laughter and eye-rolling.

They’re the type of jokes that are so cringe-worthy, they’re actually hilarious.

These jokes are perfect for study breaks, academic discussions, or just to lighten up a heavy writing session.

Get ready to facepalm and chuckle.

Here are some essay dad jokes that are bound to amuse you:

Why did the essay refuse to go on a date? Because it didn’t want any “paragraph breaks”!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I think we have a lot of potential, but we need to work on our structure!”
Why did the essay refuse to take a vacation? It didn’t want to leave any unfinished sentences!
Why did the essay become an actor? It loved playing the role of the introduction!
Why did the ghost writer struggle with his essay? Because he couldn’t find the right boo-ks for references!
Why did the essay take a trip to the beach? It wanted to catch some waves of inspiration!
Why did the pencil bring an eraser to the essay? In case it made any mistakes!
Why did the essay go to the beach? Because it needed some “beach quotes” for inspiration!
Why did the essay go to a comedy show? To work on its pun-ch lines!
Why did the math teacher assign an essay? Because he wanted to see if his students could write a logical conclusion!
Why did the essay join a book club? It wanted to meet other well-read essays and have intellectual discussions.
Why did the essay go to the art museum? Because it was looking for some “creative writing” inspiration!
Why did the pencil go to the party? Because it was an essay-cial occasion!
Why did the essay get a standing ovation? It had excellent paragraphs!
Why did the essay bring a map to the library? It wanted to find its way through the research!
How does an essay apologize for its mistakes? It writes an “I’m sorry” paragraph!
Why did the essay get in trouble with the teacher? Because it was full of run-on sentences!
Why did the math book get poor grades? Because it had too many problems and not enough essay solutions!
Why did the essay go on a diet? Because it had too many “wordy” paragraphs that needed trimming!
What do you call an essay about a famous rock band? A paper jam!
Why did the essay get a good grade? Because it had a lot of punctuation marks.
Why did the essay get a standing ovation? It had a captivating conclusion that left the audience spellbound.
Why do essays always carry a pencil? In case they need to make a point!
Why did the essay go to the party? It wanted to make an “introduction” to everyone!
Why did the essay become a chef? Because it wanted to “cook up” some interesting ideas!
Why did the essay fail to make people laugh? It had too many missed jokes and poor wordplay – it lacked essay-ential humor!
Why did the chicken cross the road to finish its essay? Because it wanted to get to the other side of the argument!
Why did the essay get in trouble with the teacher? It couldn’t stay on topic, it kept going off on tangents!
Why did the essay become a comedian? It could always deliver a punchline, paragraph after paragraph.
Why did the essay become a detective? It was good at finding clues in the text!
Why did the essay go to the bank? It needed to make a “sentence” deposit!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It was tired of defining every relationship!
Why was the essay so good at baking? It had all the proper “ingredients”!
Why did the essay get in trouble? It was caught plagiarizing… it couldn’t even “word” its own thoughts!
Why did the pencil break up with the paper? Because it couldn’t erase its mistakes in the essay of love!
Why did the essay go on a diet? Because it wanted to cut down on unnecessary “word” calories!
Why did the paper go to therapy? Because it was experiencing writer’s block!
Why did the essay refuse to wear sunscreen? Because it didn’t want to limit its word count!
Why did the computer go to school? Because it wanted to become an essayist!
What’s an essay’s favorite dessert? A conclusion sundae with a cherry on top!
Why did the teacher always give the essay assignments on Friday? Because she wanted to see her students’ weekend handwriting!
What did one essay say to the other essay? You had a good argument, but your conclusion fell flat!
Why did the essay get a bad grade? It didn’t have a strong thesis statement, it was just a bunch of “I think” and “I feel”!
Why did the essay become a comedian? Because it knew how to deliver pun-chlines and make the reader laugh!
What did the essay say to the math problem? “I can “solve” you anytime!”
Why did the essay become an actor? Because it loved playing different roles – introduction, body, and conclusion!
Why did the teacher always bring a red pen to the essay writing workshop? Because they liked to “mark” their territory!
Why did the essay always wear glasses? It wanted to be seen as a “well-read” piece!
Why was the essay so good at telling stories? Because it always had a great introduction and conclusion!
Why was the essay always borrowing money? It couldn’t stop using “cents” instead of “sense”!
How did the essay feel after finishing the conclusion? It was finally able to wrap things up.
Why did the book go to therapy? Because it had a lot of unresolved essay-ues!
What did the essay say to the student? I’m here to make your word count, not your life count!
Why did the essay writer always carry a thesaurus? To find better words to impress the teacher!
Why did the grammar book always get perfect grades on its essays? It knew how to use its commas correctly, period.
Why was the essay so well-behaved? Because it always followed proper paragraphs!
Why did the math book always fail its essays? Because it couldn’t solve for “Y”!
Why did the essay visit the art museum? It wanted to improve its essay-tetics!
What did the essay say to the pencil? “I’ve got a lot of words, can you handle it?”
Why did the English teacher assign an essay about gardening? Because he wanted to see how the plot would develop!
Why did the essay do well in school? Because it always stayed on topic and didn’t go off the page!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I’m exhausted, I’ve been working all night!”
Why did the essay bring an umbrella to school? It heard there was going to be a lot of brainstorming!
Why did the essay wear glasses? Because it wanted to have a clear thesis statement!
Why did the essay bring a ladder to school? It wanted to climb the ranks of the best-written papers!
Why did the essay refuse to go outside? Because it didn’t want to face the harsh reality!
What did one essay say to the other? “I’m so well-structured, I’m like a five-paragraph essay on steroids!”
Why did the essay apply for a job at the bakery? It kneaded to prove it could rise to the occasion!
Why did the computer fail its essay test? Because it couldn’t think of any RAM-arkable ideas!
What did the essay do when it won an award? It thanked its “word”-robe stylist!
Why did the essay take up boxing? It wanted to develop strong arguments and knock out its opponents.
What did the essay say to the research paper? “I’m just an introduction, but you’re a whole thesis!”
Why did the pencil get a poor grade on its essay? Because it didn’t have a good point!
Why did the math book get an A+ on its essay? It solved every problem with “pi equals delicious.” .
What did the essay say to the math test? “I can’t solve your problems, I have my own to write about!”
Why did the essay always carry a pen and paper? In case it had an “ink”ling of a new idea!
Why did the essay ask for a raise? It had exceeded the word count limit and deserved extra credit. .
What did the essay say to the pencil? You dot the i’s, and I’ll cross the t’s!
Why did the essay go to the art museum? To get some inspiration and paint a picture with words.
Why was the essay so good at cooking? Because it knew how to “stir up” the reader’s appetite for knowledge!
What did the essay say to the pencil? “You’re just my write-hand, without you, I’m pointless.”
Why did the essay get an “A”? Because it didn’t want to get grounded!
Why did the computer go to school? To improve its essay-typing skills!
What did the essay say to the dictionary? I’ve got a lot of words, but you’ve got the definitions!
Why did the pencil sharpen its point? Because it wanted to make a sharp essay.
Why did the essay become a chef? It wanted to get better at serving up strong arguments!
Why did the student bring a ladder to the essay contest? Because they heard it was a “high”-stakes competition!
Why did the essay get a poor grade? Because it wasn’t well-structured, it was just a bunch of paragraphs trying to pass as an essay!
Why did the essay become a teacher’s pet? It always knew how to make the right arguments.
Why did the teacher give the essay a gold star? Because it was full of “punctuation marks”!
Why do essays always feel like they’re in a hurry? Because they have a deadline looming over them!
Why did the essay bring an umbrella to class? In case of a paragraph storm!
Why did the essay lose its job? Because it couldn’t find the right words to “work” with!
Why did the essay get a standing ovation? It really knew how to captivate an audience with its words!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? Because it had a lot of good punchlines!
Why did the pencil get a bad grade on his essay? Because his point was too dull!
Why was the essay so confident? Because it knew how to make a strong argument!
Why did the ghost become a great essay writer? Because it had a lot of “boo-knowledge”!
Why did the essay get a promotion? It had great thesis statements and earned an A+ at work!
Why did the pencil and eraser break up? Because they couldn’t erase their differences in the essay!
Why did the essay always use a thesaurus? Because it wanted to impress its teachers with fancy words!
Why did the essay fail its driving test? It couldn’t stay in one lane, it kept drifting off-topic.
What did the essay say to the grammar police? I’m not perfect, but I’m well-structured!
Why did the essay refuse to go on a date? It had commitment issues with the word limit!
Why did the essay refuse to play hide-and-seek? Because it always wanted to be found on the first page.
Why did the essay get a gold medal? It had the best “punctuation” marks!
Why did the essay get a parking ticket? Because it exceeded the word limit and parked in the “TMI” zone!
Why did the essay go to the art class? It wanted to brush up on its creativity!
Why was the essay a great dancer? It had impeccable footnotes!
Why did the essay throw a party? It wanted to introduce its main points to the guests!
Why did the essay go on a diet? It wanted to have fewer words and be more concise.
Why did the essay get a poor grade? Because it didn’t make any good points!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It wanted to improve its “essay-tude”!
Why did the essay refuse to go outside? It was afraid of getting caught in a run-on sentence.
Why did the essay get expelled from school? It was caught plagiarizing other essays!
What do you call a scary essay? A thesis of fright!
Why do essays always feel so tired? Because they’re always trying to make their points!
Why did the essay get an “A” on its test? Because it had an excellent thesis statement!
Why did the essay take a nap? It needed to refresh its ideas for the next paragraph!
Why was the essay so popular? Because it had a lot of “likes” and “comments” from the grammar police!
What did the essay do when it couldn’t find its introduction? It went back to the drafting board!
Why did the essay become an artist? It loved painting vivid word pictures!
Why did the essay bring a ladder to the library? Because it wanted to reach new heights in research!
Why did the essay get an “A” for its conclusion? Because it wrapped things up perfectly!
Why was the essay sent to the principal’s office? It had too many improper citations.
What did the essay say to the student who was struggling to start writing? “You just need to make an intro-duction!”
Why did the essay need glasses? Because it couldn’t see the point!
Why did the essay become a comedian? It loved making pun-ctuation jokes!
Why did the pencil break up with the essay? Because it couldn’t handle the constant “lead” on!
Why did the essay go to therapy? Because it had too many unresolved paragraphs!
Why did the essay refuse to become a novel? It believed in concise storytelling and sticking to the point!
Why did the essay apologize to the grammar police? Because it was sentence-d to correction.
Why did the essay always carry a pencil sharpener? It liked to make its points sharp and clear.
Why did the essay win an award? Because it had great “punctuation” and “paragraphformance”!
Why did the pencil decide to drop out of school? It couldn’t handle the pressure of writing too many essays.
Why did the essay take a break? It needed some “punctuation” time!
Why did the essay go to the art museum? To gather inspiration for its creative writing section!
Why did the essay prefer to work alone? It didn’t want anyone to plagiarize its ideas!
What do you call an essay about a broken pencil? Pointless!
Why did the essay join a gym? Because it wanted to have “strong arguments”!
Why did the essay break up with the conclusion? Because it wasn’t bringing closure to the relationship!
What did the essay say to the procrastinating student? “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!”
Why did the pencil want to join the essay club? Because it knew it could pencil-vate its writing skills!
Why did the computer go to art school? It wanted to get better at CTRL+P-ing.
Why did the essay eat a clock? It wanted to have a well-timed conclusion!
Why did the essay go to school early? To beat the morning deadline!
What’s an essay’s favorite TV show? “The Thesis”! It loves watching a good argument unfold!
Why did the paper go to school? Because it wanted to get a little sheet-edu-cation.
What did the essay say to the pencil? “I’ve got a lot of points to make, so sharpen up!”
Why did the essay get in trouble with the law? It was caught using too many puns – it was a crime against literature!
Why did the essay get detention? It was caught hanging out with a run-on sentence!
Why did the scarecrow win an award for his essay? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why did the essay writer bring a ladder to the library? Because they wanted to reach the highest word count!
Why did the essay get detention? Because it couldn’t stop running on and on with its words.

Essay Jokes for Kids

Essay jokes for kids are the literary equivalent of a funny bunny—unexpected, delightful, and always getting a smile from the little ones.

These jokes spark kids’ creativity and unravel the joy of puns, metaphors, and witty phrases, instilling in them a love for humor that’s as enlightening as the essays themselves.

Moreover, essay jokes for kids have the additional advantage of making learning enjoyable, transforming the daunting task of essay writing into a source of fun and laughter.

Ready for an amusing adventure?

Here are the jokes that will have them chuckling over their compositions:

What do you call a messy essay? A jumble of paragraphs!
Why did the essay become a rockstar? Because it had a killer introduction!
Why did the essay go to the party? It wanted to get a lot of attention and make an impression!
What did the essay do when it couldn’t think of an introduction? It started with a joke!
How did the essay get its dream job? It “paragraph-d” its way to success!
Why did the essay get in trouble at school? It couldn’t stop “paragraph-ing” around!
Why did the computer get a low grade on its essay? It had too many “byte-sized” arguments!
What did one essay say to the other? “I’m all ‘written’ out, how about you?”
Why did the computer eat the essay? Because it thought it was a byte of information!
Why did the essay bring a pencil to the party? Because it heard there would be a lot of “point”less conversations!
What do you get when you cross a joke with an essay? A laugh-terpiece!
Why did the essay eat a snack before writing? It needed food for thought!
Why was the essay always so nervous? It had a lot of “paragraph”anoia!
What’s an essay’s favorite outdoor activity? Writing on a “picnic” table!
Why did the essay start taking karate lessons? To become a black belt in writing!
What do you call an essay that tells a lot of lies? A fictional report!
Why did the pencil go to school? To get a good “lead” on the competition!
What’s an essay’s favorite type of music? R&B, which stands for “Research and Bibliography”!
Why did the pencil go to school early? It wanted to get a “sharp” start on its essay!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I can’t stop paragraphing about you!”
Why did the essay get a ticket? It was caught for excessive paragraphs!
What’s an essay’s favorite type of music? Rap, because it loves to use lots of “paragraphs”!
What did the essay say to the pencil sharpener? “You make me look sharp!”
Why did the math book become friends with the English book? Because it wanted help with its “essay” problems!
Why did the essay bring a dictionary? It wanted to impress with big words!
What did the essay say when it was asked to write about its favorite food? “I just can’t pick one, I have too many tasty paragraphs!”
What did the essay say to the teacher? “I’m well researched, so don’t test me!”
Why did the pencil bring a blanket to the essay? Because it wanted to make sure it had a good conclusion!
Why did the student always bring a ladder to school? So they could reach the “high points” in their essays!
Why did the pencil go to the party? Because it wanted to be the “write” life of the essay!
What do you call a pencil’s favorite type of essay? A “pencil-lit” piece!
Why did the essay fail the spelling test? It couldn’t find the write words!
Why did the essay get an A+ in class? Because it had an introduction, body, and conclusion!
Why did the teacher cross out the essay’s title? Because it was “miss”leading!
Why did the essay get a time-out? It didn’t use any punctuation and needed a break!
Why did the essay go to the dentist? It needed a word “cavity” filled!
Why did the essay run out of ink? It couldn’t “pen” any more thoughts!
Why did the pencil go to college? To get a degree in essay-writing!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems to solve!
Why did the essay bring a ladder to the library? Because it wanted to climb to the top of the “bestsellers” list!
What did the essay say to the pencil? “You’ve got a good point there!”
Why was the essay not afraid of any challenge? It always had a great conclusion!
Why was the essay cold? It left its draft by the window!
Why did the essay get in trouble? It couldn’t stop making “pen”-tastic puns throughout its writing!
How did the essay feel when it got a perfect score? It was “punctuated” with joy!
What did the essay say to the student? Don’t worry, I’ve got your back! Just stick with me and we’ll ace this together!
Why was the essay cold? It forgot to put its thesis statement in a warm introduction!
Why did the essay become a superhero? It wanted to “defend” its thesis statement!
Why did the essay bring an umbrella to class? It wanted to have a good introduction and a strong conclusion!
What do you call an essay about a famous superhero? A super paragraph!
Why was the essay always hungry? Because it had an insatiable appetite for knowledge and information!
Why did the pencil go to the party? It wanted to write an “essay” on the dance moves!
Why did the pencil go to the essay contest? Because it wanted to be a “write”ful winner!
Why did the essay go to the party alone? It didn’t want to get footnoted!
What did the essay say to the computer? I need you to type my thoughts, it’s too much for my pencil!
What do you call an essay about a tree? A paragraph-wood!
Why did the essay bring a ladder? Because it wanted to have a good introduction and “hook” the reader!
Why did the pencil get bad grades? Because it didn’t have a point!
What did the essay say to the teacher? “I’m sorry if I take too long to get to the point.”
Why did the essay wear glasses? It had a lot of citations to check!
Why did the computer turn red? It had an “essay” to complete, but it couldn’t find the right file!
Why did the pencil want to break up with the essay? It felt too committed!
Why did the essay become a poet? Because it had “rhyme” to spare!
Why did the essay refuse to play cards? It didn’t want to deal with “plagiarism” accusations!
Why did the essay eat its homework? It wanted to digest the information better!
What did the essay say to the pencil? You’re the “write” tool for the job!
Why did the essay take a nap? It needed to catch up on its “zzz’s”!
What’s an essay’s favorite season? “Summ-essay” because it can finally relax!
What did the computer say to the pencil? “You’ve got a lot of ‘write’ stuff for your essay!”
Why did the essay get a gold medal? Because it had a strong introduction and conclusion – it really “paragraphed” itself!
What did the computer say to the essay? “I’ve got you covered, just press Ctrl+P!”
Why did the essay get a ticket? It didn’t have a proper “paragraph”king spot!
What did the teacher say to the essay that wasn’t in proper format? “I’m sorry, but you’re not aligned with the right margin!”
What’s an essay’s favorite outdoor activity? Paragrafting!
What’s an essay’s favorite type of music? The Intro-dyctionary!
Why was the essay not good at telling jokes? It always got “punctuation” wrong!
Why did the essay wear sunglasses? It didn’t want to be “exposition-ed” to the bright ideas!
What did the essay say to the teacher? “I’m ready to be graded!”
Why did the essay get a bad grade? It didn’t have a “conclusion” to its argument!
Why did the essay bring a suitcase to school? It was packed with “arguments” and “evidence” for a persuasive essay!
Why did the essay get a promotion? Because it had excellent paragraphs and showed great organization skills!
What did the pencil say to the essay? “You lead, I’ll follow!”
Why did the math book write an essay? It wanted to solve its problems!
Why did the essay visit the library? To find some “page”-turning inspiration!
Why did the computer get a headache? It had too many “essays” to process!
Why did the essay become friends with the dictionary? They both loved to “define” things!
Why did the essay take a vacation? It needed a break from all the commas and periods!
What do you call an essay written by a cat? A “purr-suasive” composition!
Why did the essay go to school with its suitcase? Because it was looking for its conclusion!
What do you call an essay about a hamburger? A “meat-y” composition!
Why did the math book love writing essays? Because it had so many “story problems” to solve!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I think we need to “word” together on this!”
What type of music do essays listen to? Paperbacks!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I’m feeling a bit “underdeveloped” today!”
Why did the essay cross the road? To reach the library and find more references!
What do you call a funny essay? A composition full of puns and laughter!
Why did the essay start wearing glasses? It wanted to “focus” on improving!
Why did the essay become a chef? It wanted to become a “masterpiece” of culinary writing!
Why did the essay eat its own words? Because it wanted a well-balanced diet!
What do you call an essay that gets straight A’s? A “word” wizard!
Why was the math book sad when it read the essay? It couldn’t find any “solutions”!
What did the essay say to the pencil? “I’m feeling quite ‘profound’ today, how about you?”
Why did the essay bring a backpack? It needed to pack in all the “paragraphs”!
Why did the teacher always give the essay good grades? Because it had a lot of good points!
What do you call a cat that writes essays? A composition kitty!
What did the essay say to the student? “I’m here to “write” your day!”
Why did the essay bring a ladder to the library? It wanted to reach the “footnotes” on the top shelf!
What did one essay say to the other essay? We have a lot in common, we both have a thesis statement!
Why did the essay stay up all night? It couldn’t find the perfect conclusion!
Why did the teacher say the essay was like a sandwich? Because it had an introduction as the bread, supporting details as the fillings, and a conclusion as the other bread slice!
What’s an essay’s favorite place to relax? The “conclusion” beach!
Why did the computer fail its essay test? It couldn’t process the words!
Why did the pencil go to the art show? To learn how to draw an essay!
Why did the essay bring a flashlight to class? It wanted to “highlight” its main points!
Why did the essay go to the doctor? It had too many “paragraphs” in its sentences!
Why was the essay a great storyteller? Because it had a lot of plot points!
What do you call an essay that’s always moving? A “roaming” composition!
What did the essay say to the pen? “Let’s make a “write”ful escape together!”
Why did the essay get a ticket? Because it didn’t stay within the margins!
How does an essay greet a pencil? “Lead the way!”
Why was the essay always confident? Because it knew it had the “write” stuff!
Why did the essay eat a dictionary? It wanted to have a “wordy” introduction!
What do you call an essay that is full of jokes? A funny paragraph!

Essay Jokes for Adults

Who says adults can’t relish a clever essay joke?

Essay jokes for adults elevate humor to another level, intertwining intellectual wit with a hint of playful sarcasm.

Just like a well-structured essay, these jokes incorporate elements of humor, intelligence, and a pinch of mischief to produce a chuckle that leaves a lasting impression.

These jokes are ideal for book clubs, academic discussions, or simply to break the ice in a serious intellectual debate.

Here are some essay jokes that are perfectly crafted for adults:

Why did the essay break up with the textbook? It found a more interesting source online!
Why was the essay so full of itself? It had a lot of “I” problems!
Why did the essay get kicked out of the library? It was overdue on its rent.
Why did the essay get a speeding ticket? It was trying to reach the word limit in record time!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It wanted to explore the humorous side of the introduction!
Why did the essay start dating a dictionary? It wanted to find the perfect definition of love!
Why did the essay get a ticket? It forgot to put a full stop at the end of its sentence.
Why did the essay feel so confident? It had a strong thesis statement!
Why was the essay always tired? It stayed up all night worrying about its conclusion!
What do you call an essay about a tortilla? A wrap sheet!
Why did the essay get in trouble? It couldn’t stay on topic and went off “tangent”!
Why did the essay get into a fight with the dictionary? It was tired of being defined by others!
What did the essay say to the procrastinator? “Don’t worry, I’ve got an ‘F’ for you too!”
What did the essay say to the pencil? “I’m sorry, I can’t erase my mistakes like you can!”
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It wanted to make people laugh instead of cry!
Why was the essay always so tired? It never got enough paragraphs!
Why did the essay refuse to use any punctuation? It wanted to leave its readers breathless!
Why did the essay become a chef? It loved to stir up a good conclusion!
Why did the essay start a fight with the research paper? It wanted to prove its point with a strong argument!
Why did the essay join a support group? It was struggling with a bad conclusion and needed closure!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It was tired of being graded on its structure and wanted to focus on punchlines!
What did one essay say to the other at the end of their date? “I hope we make a good conclusion!”
Why did the essay get in trouble? It couldn’t stay within the word limit and was sentenced to a paragraph correction!
Why did the essay go on a diet? It had too many wordy sentences and needed to cut back on its word count!
Why did the essay break up with the conclusion? It felt they were just going in circles!
Why did the essay start a band? It wanted to hit all the right notes!
What did the essay say when it wanted to take a break? “I need a comma and some space!”
Why did the essay refuse to go to the party? It didn’t want to get annotated by all the grammar police!
What did the essay say to the student? “I’m just trying to make a point, not give you a headache!”
Why did the essay refuse to go on a date? It already had a conclusion and didn’t need any more endings!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It felt like it was being defined too much!
Why did the essay get in a fight with the bibliography? It accused it of being unreliable and full of fictional characters!
Why did the essay refuse to attend the party? It was already well-structured and didn’t want to add any more paragraphs!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It found another word to define its relationship.
What did the essay say to the conclusion? “I’m putting an end to this relationship!”
What did the essay say to the pencil? Stop getting all the lead in the spotlight!
Why was the essay never invited to parties? It always had too many footnotes and not enough jokes!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It wanted to explore a more thesaurus relationship!
What did the essay wear to the party? A well-structured introduction!
Why was the essay jealous of the bibliography? It always got more attention and credit than the actual essay itself!
What did one essay say to the other essay at the party? “I think we have a lot of potential paragraphs together!”
Why did the essay visit the gym? It needed to strengthen its thesis statement!
Why did the essay become a musician? It loved to compose a-paragraphs!
Why did the essay become an author? It had a way with words!
Why did the essay get into a fight with the conclusion? It wanted to have the last word.
Why do essays always feel lonely? They never have any paragraphs to hang out with!
Why did the essay attend therapy? It needed help organizing its thoughts and finding its thesis statement!
Why did the essay go on a diet? It needed to cut down on its excessive word count!
Why did the essay throw a party? It had finally reached the required word count and celebrated its achievement!
Why did the essay start a fight with the thesaurus? It didn’t appreciate being called repetitive!
Why did the essay stay at home? It had too many paragraphs and couldn’t fit through the door!
Why did the essay become an artist? It wanted to paint a vivid picture with its words!
Why did the essay break up with the thesis statement? It found a more persuasive argument!
Why did the essay get an “F”? It didn’t stay on topic, it went off on too many tangents!
Why did the essay join a gym? It wanted to work on its body paragraphs and strengthen its arguments!
Why was the essay always unhappy? It had too many comma splices, and it couldn’t get over it!
Why did the essay become a detective? It wanted to uncover the mystery of the missing punctuation.
Why did the essay always get A’s in college? It knew how to make its thesis statement stand out!
Why did the essay go to the gym? It wanted to get its body paragraphs in shape.
Why did the essay get an F on its conclusion? It failed to wrap things up properly.
Why did the essay fall asleep on the computer? It couldn’t stop hitting the snooze button!
Why did the essay file a police report? Because it got plagiarized and wanted justice!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It had a way with puns and a knack for wordplay!
What do you call an essay that’s full of puns? A composition with a lot of wordplay!
Why did the essay get kicked out of the library? It kept turning the page!
Why did the essay refuse to go on a blind date? It didn’t want to be judged solely by its cover page!
Why did the essay break up with the grammar book? It found someone more captivating!
Why did the essay fail the math test? It couldn’t count the number of words correctly!
Why did the essay break up with the conclusion? It felt it needed more space to develop its ideas!
Why did the essay fail the math exam? It couldn’t solve the equation between its introduction and thesis statement!
Why was the essay always tired? It stayed up all night trying to find the right words and a good thesis statement!
Why did the essay go to the therapist? It was struggling with an identity crisis, stuck between formal and informal language.
Why did the essay become a politician? It knew how to persuade with its words!
Why did the essay fail the exam? It couldn’t support its arguments with evidence!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It couldn’t find the right words to express its feelings!
Why did the essay writer become a stand-up comedian? They were tired of being so wordy all the time!
Why did the essay throw a party? It wanted to celebrate its “word count” achievement!
What did the essay say to the computer? Stop deleting my ideas, I’m on a roll!
Why did the essay get into a fight with the dictionary? They couldn’t agree on the right definition of a word!
Why did the essay take a nap? It was exhausted from all the introductions and conclusions!
Why did the essay struggle to find love? It was too focused on its conclusion and didn’t pay enough attention to the introduction!
Why did the essay refuse to go to the party? It didn’t want to be accused of having a bad conclusion!
Why did the essay get a job at the bakery? It loved adding icing to its conclusions!
What do you call an essay written by a vampire? A “blood-y” good argument!
Why did the essay become a chef? It wanted to mix words and create delicious sentences!
Why did the essay become a magician? It loved to make theses disappear!
Why did the essay become an actor? It wanted to play different characters on paper!
What did the essay say to the dictionary? “I’ll use you to sound smarter!”!
Why did the essay become a detective? It loved uncovering evidence and exploring different perspectives!
Why did the essay refuse to get a job? It couldn’t find the write opportunity.
What did one essay say to the other? “We’re in the same conclusion!”
Why did the essay bring a map to the library? It didn’t want to get lost in the research!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It found out it was cheating with a thesaurus!
What did one essay say to the other essay? “I’ve got an introduction, body, and conclusion. I’m all write!”
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? It had a great sense of paragraphs and knew how to deliver punchlines!
What did the essay do when it couldn’t come up with a conclusion? It just added a bunch of random words at the end!
What do you call an essay written by a hot dog? A wiener’s guide to literature!
Why did the essay always get the highest grades? It knew how to structure an introduction and a good conclusion… unlike some relationships!
Why did the essay break up with the thesaurus? It couldn’t handle the synonyms anymore!
Why did the essay fall asleep? It was too tired of being an “zzzz”ay!
Why did the essay become a comedian? It wanted to make sure its thesis statement was well-versed in humor!
What did the essay say to the research paper? “I’m not just an opinion, I’m backed up with evidence!”
Why did the essay go to the doctor? It had a bad case of writer’s block and needed a prescription for inspiration!
Why was the essay friends with the thesaurus? It loved expanding its vocabulary!
Why did the essay get a bad grade? It wasn’t well-researched, it was just a bunch of “copy and paste”!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It found a synonym for love!
Why did the essay get kicked out of the classroom? It couldn’t stay on topic and kept going off on tangents!
What did the essay say to the student? “You’re giving me writer’s block!”
Why was the essay’s font always in italics? It was trying to emphasize its point.
What did the essay say when it finally finished writing? “I’m glad I reached my word count, now I can finally stop being a pro-crastinator!”
Why did the essay get a job at the bakery? It had a lot of dough to knead!
Why did the essay have a hard time waking up in the morning? It always had an introduction that never ended!
Why was the essay considered rebellious? It always had a strong thesis and refused to conform to the five-paragraph structure!
Why did the essay get a job at the bakery? It was good at making dough!
Why did the essay refuse to wear punctuation? It didn’t want to be marked down for being too dramatic!
What did one essay say to the other at the library? “Looks like we’re bound together forever!”
Why did the essay go to the beach? It wanted to experience some good body paragraphs!
Why did the essay break up with the dictionary? It found a thesaurus who understood its synonyms much better!
Why did the student bring a ladder to the essay contest? They wanted to reach new heights in their writing!
Why did the essay get a promotion? It was always able to introduce new ideas!
Why was the essay so lonely? It couldn’t find a good introduction!
Why was the essay always late? It was constantly being “paragraph-noid”!
Why did the essay become a stand-up comedian? Because it wanted to provide some comic relief from all the studying!
Why did the essay get into a fight with the dictionary? It wanted to use some strong words!
Why was the essay so poor? It couldn’t make ends meet!
Why did the essay get kicked out of the library? It refused to stop making puns in footnotes!
Why did the essay become an astronaut? It wanted to explore new paragraphs and cosmic ideas!
Why did the essay get a ticket? It couldn’t stay within the word limit and exceeded the page limit!
Why was the essay so sleepy? It stayed up all night writing itself!
Why did the essay break up with the pencil? It found a sharper one!
Why did the essay join a gym? It wanted to exercise its “sentence structure”!
Why did the essay get a promotion? It always knew how to “highlight” its main points!
Why did the essay get detention? It had too many run-on sentences and no periods to end its bad behavior!
Why did the essay go to the amusement park? It wanted to ride the rollercoaster of creativity!
What did the essay do when it was finished? It finally reached its conclusion!
Why did the essay get in trouble with the law? It was caught plagiarizing from famous novels!
Why did the essay fall asleep? Because it had too many Zzzz’s!
Why did the essay get a standing ovation? It made everyone’s arguments fall flat!
Why did the essay get kicked out of the library? It couldn’t stop writing footnotes on everything!
What did the essay say to the deadline? “Don’t worry, I’ll just wing it like all my other paragraphs!”

Essay Joke Generator

Tired of writing long, academic essays?

Need a bit of humor to lighten the load?

No need to worry, that’s where our FREE Essay Joke Generator comes in to lift your spirits.

Designed to weave humorous puns, witty humor, and playful phrases, it creates jokes that are sure to make even the most serious scholar chuckle.

Don’t let your academic stress accumulate.

Use our joke generator to inject humor into your essays, making them as engaging and enjoyable as your favorite comedy.

Remember, an essay doesn’t always have to be a solemn, scholarly affair; sometimes it can be a rib-tickling one too!

FAQs About Essay Jokes

Why are essay jokes so popular.

Essay jokes resonate with a wide audience, particularly with students, teachers, and writers.

They provide a humorous take on the struggles and triumphs associated with essay writing, making the process feel less daunting and more relatable.

Can essay jokes help in social situations?

Definitely!

Essay jokes can serve as an ice breaker or conversation starter, particularly in academic or professional settings.

They can lighten the mood and bring people together through shared experiences related to essay writing.

How can I come up with my own essay jokes?

Think about the common pain points or funny situations associated with essay writing—procrastination, writer’s block, grammatical errors, etc.
Consider the jargon and terminology used in essay writing (e.g., thesis, word count, citation). You can play around with these terms to create humorous situations or puns.
Look at the overall process of essay writing. Is there a particular stage where you can incorporate humor?
Combine well-known sayings or phrases with elements of essay writing to create unexpected and funny outcomes.
Use puns and wordplays. Essay writing is full of opportunities for linguistic creativity.

Are there any tips for remembering essay jokes?

You can associate essay jokes with the specific situations they are related to—deadlines, researching for the essay, editing, etc.

This way, whenever you find yourself in a similar situation, the joke will come to mind.

How can I make my essay jokes better?

The key is relatability.

Make sure your jokes resonate with your audience’s experiences with essay writing.

Use the element of surprise and play with words.

And remember, practice makes perfect!

Keep sharing your jokes and take note of what gets the best response.

How does the Essay Joke Generator work?

Our Essay Joke Generator is your source for instant humor.

Input keywords related to your essay-themed humor or situation, and click the Generate Jokes button.

You’ll get a collection of witty, essay-related jokes ready to lighten up any conversation.

Is the Essay Joke Generator free?

Yes, our Essay Joke Generator is completely free to use!

Generate as many jokes as you want to keep your content lively and engaging.

Don’t hesitate to sprinkle your conversations with a touch of humor that is as insightful as an essay itself.

Essay jokes are a clever way to add a hint of humor to our scholarly discourses, making learning a bit more enjoyable with each chuckle.

From the quick and witty to the long and laugh-inducing, there’s an essay joke for every academic occasion.

So next time you’re drafting an essay , remember, there’s humor to be found in every thesis, argument, and conclusion.

Keep spreading the laughs, and let the good times write and roll.

Because after all, a day without laughter is like a day without essays—unimaginable and, frankly, a bit less enlightening.

Happy joking, everyone!

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Writing Jokes And Puns

The pen may be mightier than the sword but the pun is even mightier with these funny writing jokes! It’d be a capital idea for you to read these signature jokes!

Funny Writing Jokes

“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?””

Cop: It’s a … moving violation.

My wife said, “Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”

I said, “That’s … a novel idea.”

My son asked me for something hard to write on.

I don’t know why he got so mad, sand is pretty hard to write on.

Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?

He was afraid of capitalism.

Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

I bought a pen that can write underwater.

It can write other words as well.

My therapist told me to write letters to everyone who’s hurt me then burn them.

I’ve done that.

Now what do I do with the letters?

I’ve been trying to write some clean jokes about bowling balls.

But they keep ending up in the gutter.

My doctor was struggling to write my prescription when I said, “Doctor, that’s a rectal thermometer in your hand!”

He replied, “Darn it! Someone’s got my pen!”

Why did Winnie the Pooh quit his job writing obituaries?

He didn’t like being the bear of bad news.

What did the sorority girl say when she lost her pen?

“I literally cannot even write now!”

I heard Optimus Prime is writing a book.

It’s an autobotography.

Have you seen the new pen that writes underwater, upside down and in outer space?

It writes lots of other words too.

I started writing poetry recently.

I think its coming along nicely.

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He’s a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

Dad jokes are the best and I’m now gonna write why…

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

GC: I’ll direct.

LD: I’ll produce.

MM: I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.

I got a pen in Barcelona.

It writes so smoothly.

I can get the finest lines out of it.

Everyone is so surprised by it.

Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision.

My wife keeps telling me writing my V’s as B’s makes me Russian.

Well, if that’s the case …

Then Soviet!

I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals.

I was writing a text, and Autocorrect changed “killed” to “kilt”.

Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

I got a pen from Starbucks.

But it only writes in Javascript.

I write my name in cursive all the time.

It’s my signature move.

I’m starting to write a book about a tornado disaster

It’s just a draft at the moment.

I’ve started writing German poetry.

Could be verse.

What do u call a zombie that writes music?

A decomposer.

I’ve decided to kill off a few characters in the book I’m writing.

It will definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

My cavewoman girlfriend dumped me.

I should have seen the writing on the wall.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B.

Dad, I need help writing a sentence using the word “irony”.

Try this: I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.

I’m writing a musical about puns.

It’s a play on words.

I finally passed my writing skills test.

Good writtens!

I’m writing a book about reverse psychology.

Please don’t buy it.

I’m going to write a book about a guy named Jack who talks to his food.

I’ll call it “Jack and the Beans Talk”.

I’m debating whether to write “YES” on my left hand and “NO” on my right hand.

I mean, on the one hand, yes, but on the other hand, no.

Did you know Tristan was originally a nickname?

People were sick of having to write out Stanstanstan.

I’m finally writing a dad joke about spices.

It’s about thyme.

I’m trying to write a paper comparing the different versions of the Bible.

There’s a lot of cross referencing.

This is the time of the year when I get really annoyed when everyone writes “X” instead of “Christ”.

I calm myself down by playing my Christ Box 360.

I used to be a wrestler.

I would get a guy in a head lock and write my name on their forehead.

It was my signature move.

If I was a superhero, I would be known as Typo Man.

I write all wrongs.

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS.

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN OSLO!

I finished writing my tortilla joke.

That’s a wrap.

My daughter injured her arm and is now in a sling.

She said, “It is hard to write with my left.”

I replied, “It is even harder to left with your right.”

I’m trying to write an unoffical Harry Potter book about Platform 9 and 3/4.

But I feel like I’m hitting a wall.

I hate it when kids these days write “angle” instead of “angel”.

They are just trying to be edgy.

Why can’t a vampire write an autobiography?

They are bad at self reflection.

I lost my notes I was writing for my book called “1,001 ways to cure an itch”.

Guess I’ll have to start from scratch.

I accidentally glued myself to a novel that I just finished writing.

Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I tried to write a poem about chicken.

But I’m not very good at poultry.

Writing Jokes

If you liked our puns and jokes about writing, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes , such as these:

Featured image for a page of funny book jokes and puns.

Share the fun:

40 Funny Writing Puns

Here are 40 funny writing jokes and the best writing puns to crack you up. These jokes about writing are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of writing dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about writing, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this writing humor with others.

Writing puns

Writing one liners, best writing jokes, final thoughts.

Cartoon graphic of one boy holding a massive piece of paper and another holding a massive pencil to write with a on a blue background.

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about writing that are also awesome writing jokes for adults and kids to be told!

What dinosaur is a writer’s best friend? Thesaurus.
What’s a fanfic writer’s weapon of choice? His headcanon.
How does a Buzzfeed writer catch fish ? Clickbait.
Why don’t escaped convicts make good writers? Because they never finish their sentences.
What do you call it when someone’s working on an erotic novel and gets writer’s block? Textual frustration.
What blood type do writers have? Type O.
What does the writer suffer from each spring? A case of allegories.
What do u call a zombie that writes music ? A decomposer.
Why are writers always cold? They’re surrounded by drafts.
What do you call a writer who doesn’t follow the rules of sentence structure? A rebel without a clause.
What do you call a writer with health insurance? Married.
How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair? Ten. But number four will shock you.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B.
What do you call a writer who feels like they’ve been born in the wrong body? Transcribe.
Why was the failed writer unable to use his pencil to make another book ? Because it was pointless.

Cartoon graphic of three kids playing on a big book and one writing wit a giant pen on a blue background.

Here are some great writing joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about writing.

I write letters on my feet. They are my footnotes.
I write my name in cursive all the time . It’s my signature move.
I’m writing a book about reverse psychology . Please don’t buy it.
I’m finally writing a dad joke about spices. It’s about thyme.
I’m starting to write a book about a tornado disaster. It’s just a draft at the moment.
I’ve started writing German poetry. Could be verse.
Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape. I’m always running out of ideas.
Farmers would make great writers. They really know how to work a plot.
I’ve decided to kill off a few characters in the book I’m writing. It will definitely spice up my autobiography a little.
I was writing a text, and Autocorrect changed “killed” to “kilt”. Well plaid, phone . Well plaid.
I finally passed my writing skills test. Good writtens.
I heard Optimus Prime is writing a book. It’s an autobotography.
I once asked this literary agent what writing paid the best, and he said, ‘ransom notes’.
I should write a book about procrastination. But I’m a terrible writer, so I probably won’t.
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He’s a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

Cartoon graphic of a man holding a piece of paper and pen and thinking about what to write on a blue background.

These next funny writing puns are some of our best jokes and puns about writing!

What do you call a hierarchy of writers? An author-ity.
I’m writing a musical about puns. It’s a play on words.
What state has the most writers? Pencil-vania.
What’s it like to be an aspiring writer? It’s difficult to put into words.
What did the writer say when he glued himself to his book? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
What do you call a well-slept, well-fed writer? Content writer.
What brand of camera does a fanfiction writer own? A Canon.
What kind of bike do you use to write letters? A stationary bike.
Why are writers really good at coding? Because they are really into Pro grammar.
Have you seen the new pen that writes underwater, upside down and in outer space ? It writes lots of other words too.

Cartoon graphic of a boy sitting cross-legged and writing on a piece of paper on a blue background.

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about writing, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny puns, then check out these other great lists of funny jokes :

Shrek jokes
Jokes about Sunday
Saturday jokes for kids

Hi! I'm Che , and I hope you enjoy these jokes as much as me. These jokes lists are curated by me alone. I handpick the jokes for quality, create some myself or add ones that have been contributed by readers like you.

I constantly update Here's A Joke posts to ensure top quality. Not feeling a joke or got one to share? Let me know in the comments or contact me . With your support, I'm aiming for the best joke site around.

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The 200 Best Dad Jokes of All-Time Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

These are guaranteed to earn some groans.

preview for 20 Dad Jokes That’ll Have the Whole Family Laughing

This is a story about one of my favorite dad jokes.

My dad passed away ten years ago. He died of an enlarged heart, and when the news spread in our neighborhood, well-meaning friends and acquaintances would walk up to my brother and me and tell us, “Your dad died as he lived, with a big heart.” It never failed to annoy us. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. So we started telling people that he'd been killed by a colon parasite.

“He died as he lived,” we’d say, nodding meaningfully. “With angry, irritable bowels.”

It made us laugh. But more importantly, we knew it would’ve made our dad laugh. For most of his life (or at least as long as I knew him), he was a huge advocate and gleeful teller of Dad Jokes .

If you’ve ever had a father (or currently are one), you don’t need me to explain a Dad Joke . To paraphrase US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart when expounding on how to identify pornography in 1964, you’ll know it when you see it.

If it evokes a reaction somewhere between cringing and earnest laughter, and you simultaneously want to tell the person sharing the joke to tell you more and also shut up because they’re embarrassing you in front of your friends, congratulations, you’re in the presence of a Dad joke .

Are Dad jokes good for you? Inarguably. Recent studies have shown that a good dose of humor, however groan-worthy, can lower your risk of cardiovascular illness, increase your body's ability to fight pain and prevent disease , and even help you live longer . Yes, fine, it didn’t help my dad live longer, but I know for a fact that he was laughing on the last day of his life, and that seems like the best possible way to leave this mortal coil.

Here are 200 of our favorite dad jokes, separated into several distinct categories for any dad-amusing situation. Make your father laugh today.

Punny Dad Jokes

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Flop.
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
I don’t get why Marvel doesn’t use the Hulk to advertise more. He’s basically one big Banner.
What brand of underwear do scientists wear? Kelvin Klein.
Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble.
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
If a pig loses its voice…does it become disgruntled?
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Christian Bale.
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.
What is a guitar player's favorite Italian food? Strum-boli.
How does cereal pay its bills? With Chex.

'Groaner' Dad Jokes

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise. Dawn is tough on Greece.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI.
What do you call a wizard who's really bad at football? Fumbledore.
How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
How do flat-earthers travel? On a plane.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The Space Bar.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.
I just applied for a job down at the diner. I told them I really bring a lot to the table.
"Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia." Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
My friend couldn't afford to pay his bill, so I sent him a "Get Well Soon" card.
I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight and 2021.
Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?
This year’s Fibonacci convention is going to be really special. Apparently it’s as big as the last two put together.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help .
In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.
Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open."
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. "No," I said. "It's to look at."
What has five toes and isn't your foot? My foot.
My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly. And as you can see, they were Wright.
I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
Anyone looking to buy a Delorean? Good shape, good mileage. Only driven from time to time.
During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them.
Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves.
How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn't come with a driver. I can't believe I have nothing to chauffer it.
What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
A buddy asked how many fish I caught. I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.
How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer will shock you!
How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there's a salad dressing.
Where do dads store their dad jokes? In the dad-a-base.
What kind of fruit do ghosts like? Boo-berries.
I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.
Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.
What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
Lance isn't that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.
I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel. She said I won’t be able to make it.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off—too much sax and violins.
A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, "It's a moving violation."
Swords will never go obsolete. They're cutting edge technology.
I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job."
What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath? Bubble 07.
30 percent of pet owners let their pets sleep in their bed. I tried it and my goldfish died.
What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
You used to be able to get air for free at gas stations, but now it's a $1. That's inflation for you.
My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth. So I have an uncle, once removed.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigar.
Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works better.

you knocked that dad joke right outta the park

Sick Dad Jokes

My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.
I have a fish that can breakdance. Only for ten seconds though, and only once.
My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
In my free time, I like to help blind people. Verb, not adjective.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly 32 old guys.
What do you call bears with no ears? B.
What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can't cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic...It’s called the Plaguestation 5.
When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What do you want?" The man says, "Oh, just some fruit punch." The bartender sighs and shakes his head, "If you want punch, you're gonna have to wait in line." The man looks around, but there is no punchline.
What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
I just got my doctor's test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.

The Best “My Wife” Dad Jokes

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn't working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.
My wife told me she didn't understand cloning. I told her, "That makes two of us."
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.
My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don't worry, I'll return.
“Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!”
I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” she asked. I answered, “It’s me… talking to my beer.”
“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?" She responded, “I’m Bixby , you moron.”
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Because she has no taste."
Marriage involves three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.
"Your wife and daughter look like twins," my friend said. "Well," I replied, "they were separated at birth."
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”
I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.
I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.

caucasian father and son smiling on rural hilltop

Parenting Dad Jokes

My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.
I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
What happened when the ten-year-old cannibal spilled his soup? His mother gave him an earful.
I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa !
A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst .
“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”
A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him.
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.
I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

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265 best dad jokes to tickle everyone's funny bone

Looking for dad jokes? Well, look no further, because you've found the definitive collection of corny one-liners .

Take this corny dad joke, for example: Did you hear the one about the cleaners who went to space? They ended up scrubbing the mission.

Or how about the kidnapping at school? Good news: they woke him up.

What about the archeologist that got fired? Apparently, his career is in ruins. ( Ba-dum-tss .)

Sure, you're probably groaning right now, but that's the entire point of terrible dad jokes, right? They're silly, yet absolutely hilarious.

To keep the laughs coming, we've collected our favorite corny gags and cringy puns to use however you see fit.

Whether you've come seeking material for open mic night at the comedy club or are keeping your pals entertained with this endless supply of funny one-liners , we've got a compilation of zingers for the ages — and the eye rolls.

Best of all, with the exception of a few dark humor jokes , these clean gags are perfectly appropriate for kids, the family, coworkers and anyone else with a serious sense of humor.

So, prepare your knees for slapping and clear the aisles, because you and your crew are about to be rolling in them.

Funny Dad Jokes

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
I don't tell dad jokes that often. But when I do, he laughs.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four it would be a sedan.
What did the pirate say on his birthday? “Aye, matey!”

I was going to tell a sodium joke, then I thought, “Na.”
What's a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
Why are frogs good at baseball? They know how to catch fly balls.
What's the easiest building to lift? A lighthouse.

Why do sweaters tend to hang out together? They're pretty close-knit.
What’s the best way to get the hospital after breaking your foot? Tow truck.
Did you hear about the archeologist that got fired? His career is in ruins.
What did the buffalo say to her son on the first day of school? “Bison.”
Why do ducks have feathers on their tales? To hide their butt-quacks.

Best Dad Jokes

Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield? There are too many ears around.
What kind of underpants do lawyers wear? Briefs.
What do you call it when a cow grows facial hair? A moo-stache.
Did you hear about the two rowboats that got into an argument? It was an oar-deal.
Did you hear about the cleaners who went to space? They ended up scrubbing the mission.

What did the beach say when the tide came in? Long time no sea.
Why do turkeys play percussion? They have drumsticks.
I adopted a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I brought him home, he made a bolt for the door.

How much does it cost to swim with sharks? An arm and a leg.
What did one toilet say to the other? You appear a bit flushed.
Why are most people tired on April 1? They've just finished a 31-day March.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Why did the rabbit go to the salon? It was having a bad hare day.

Where do birds stay when they travel? Someplace cheep.
What should you do if your puppy isn't feeling well? Take him to the dog-tor.
Why can't leopards play hide-and-seek? Because they're always spotted.
What kind of felines can bowl? Alley cats.
Why did the man bring his watch to the bank? He wanted to save time.
Where do penguins go to vote? The North Poll.

How do you make a robot angry? Keep pushing his buttons.
What's the best way to make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
How do you light up a sports stadium? With a soccer match.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? They woke him up.
I told a bad chemistry joke once. I got no reaction.

Why did the cow go to Hollywood? To be in the moo-vies.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it’s a sour puss.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher
What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.

What do clouds wear beneath their pants? Thunderwear.
What kind of bagel can travel? A plain bagel.
When's the best time to call your dentist? Tooth-hurty.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

What do you call an anxious fly? A jitterbug.
How did the piano get locked out of its car? It lost its keys.
Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning? It had a conductor.
What do you call a fake dad? A faux pas.
How do you make an eggroll? You push it.
I've never been a fan of facial hair. But now it's starting to grow on me.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Many soles were lost.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A Sturgeon.
How do you hire a horse? Put up a ladder.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

Terrible Dad Jokes

How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do? Bored games.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
Why aren’t lobsters generous? Because they’re shellfish.
Where do sheep go on vacation? The Baaaa-hamas.
Where did people hang out during medieval times? At knight clubs.
Why did the employee go work in stilts? He wanted a raise.
What do cake and baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Why did the computer catch cold? It left a window open.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!

Why did the computer go to bed? It needed to crash.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
What causes dry skin? A towel.
I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady.
What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.

Worst Dad Jokes

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
What's a zebra? A couple sizes bigger than an A.
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.

Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? It comes with no strings attached.
I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Why'd the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t too bad either.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

Corny Dad Jokes

What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
Why did the girl toss a clock out the window? She wanted to see time fly.

Once I read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.
Where do armies belong? In your sleevies.
What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner's on me.
Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get a crown.
What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.

What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Why did the girl bring a ladder on the bus? She wanted to go to high school.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.
Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It’s the wurst.

What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket.
Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.
How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.
Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He’s all right now.

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.
Why did the nose feel sad? It was always getting picked on.

Dumb Dad Jokes

Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.
Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.
Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.
What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.

What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.
What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.
Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.
Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.
What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.

Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.
Why did the watch go on vacation? To unwind.
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
What did the blanket say to the bed? I’ve got you covered.
What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one’s on the house.
What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows
Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk? He tripped on a quack.
How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.

Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.
Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something.
What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
What type of music do the planets enjoy? Neptunes.
Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.
Why do bakers work so hard? Because they knead dough.
Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
What do you give a scientist with bad breath? Experi-mints.
What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.
What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.
What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead.
Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.
How can you tell the difference between a dog and tree? By their bark.
Why do dragons sleep during the day? Because they like to fight knights.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.

Did you hear about the 12-inch dog? It was a foot long.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He stole third base.
What did one piece of tape say to the other? Let’s stick together.

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

What's brown and sticky? A stick.
How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.
How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
Can February March? No, but April May!

What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries
Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.
How do trees get on the internet? They log in.
What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.

How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.
What kind of cereal do leprechauns eat? Lucky Charms.
What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.
Why can’t you trust a balloon? It’s full of hot air.
What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.
How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.

What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.”
Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was two-tired.
What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.
How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.

What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.
What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.
Where’s the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.
How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.
What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.
Where do elephants store luggage? In a trunk.

Dad Jokes for Adults

Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk.
What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats - can.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.

It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It's just gathering dust.
Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.
Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.
Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.
What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.

Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.
Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown? It felt funny after.
The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.
What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.

Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle and entertainment reporter for TODAY based in New York City. She covers holidays, celebrities and everything in between.

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197 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Kind Of Funny

"Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able."

Father telling dad jokes to his daughter as they walk

Out of all comedy sub-genres, there’s none that get quite the reaction than that of dad jokes — not because they’re necessarily funny but usually for their undeniable ability to provoke the most deep, profound level of cringe. Nonetheless, dad jokes are beloved (prized, even!) fatherly rite of passage. These cheeky little quips are the “dogs that are so ugly, they’re cute” of jokes: they’re unfunny enough that you can’t help but laugh. (Albeit while you groan and roll your eyes... but laugh all the same.)

The key is in the anticlimactic nature of the setup and punchline. It’s in the absolute reaching to make a pun fit. The overly simplistic humor is generally the most enjoyed by the joke-teller themself as they provoke defeated sighs out of whoever will listen.

If out-dad-joking your father, uncle, grandpa, or simply a dad-joke-loving friend is of high priority, here are some of the dad-jokiest of dad jokes to ever dad joke. These bad boys will earn the jokester either a sympathy laugh, a grimace, or even a slow-rolling tear down the cheek of whoever was unlucky enough to bear witness to such comedic disgrace.

Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually (Kind Of) Funny

Woman laughing at her own Dad joke in the living room

As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
Went to the bar tonight. Good times. Only a 15-minute walk. But the walk home took 45 minutes, the difference was staggering.
I recently took a pole. And found that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Punniest Dad Jokes

Woman holding her phone and laughing at punny Dad jokes

Son: “Dad, can you please explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” Dad: “No sun."
Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
Where do you take someone who’s been in a peek-a-boo accident? The ICU.
Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was nothing left but debris.
How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

Cringiest Dad Jokes

Woman and her father telling dad jokes on a boat

Did you hear the joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tear-able.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh, sheet.
What was even more useful than the first telephone? The second telephone.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

Worst Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Woman on the couch laughing at bad Dad jokes

Have you heard of the new sport called quiet tennis? It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
Why did the god of thunder need to stretch his legs? He was a little Thor.
What’s the least spoken language? Sign language.
What building in your town has the most stories? The public library.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the beer store and I'm scared it will be closed.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

Silly Dad Jokes

Two dads are laughing over dad jokes with their child.

What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.
What looks like half a tree? The other half.
Two guys walked into a bar... the third one ducked.
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.

Funny Dad Jokes

A dad and his daughter baking at home, laughing over dad jokes.

What do you call a Frenchman who has been attacked by a cat? Claude.
My 6-year-old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill. Looks like she's preparing some kind of barbie queue.
How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

Dad Jokes About Food

Father telling one-liner dad jokes to his daughter at dinner

Someone told me that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables. I said that’s not nececelery true.
My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk!
Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where's Pop Corn?
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
I tried all morning to cook up an egg-related pun, but I couldn’t crack it.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it downhill.

Dad Jokes For Kids

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.
I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said, “Yes, try Sarah Topps.”
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey.... but I turned myself around.

Dad Jokes About Animals

A dog looking at his dad tell him animal dad jokes in the living room

Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? Because she was a little horse.
What do you say when a chicken is looking at salad? Chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her.
What’s a dog’s favorite super hero? Labra-Thor.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back. "I am a turtle," he says. "Who's on your back?" "That's Michelle."
Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? Because they can’t control their licker.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

Dad Jokes About Sports

A father telling his son a dad joke about sports while they play catch outside

Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball? If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from? The tooth fairy.
I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
Why don't football players were glasses? It's a contact sport.
Why couldn't the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.
What's the best animal in soccer? A score-pion.

Dad Jokes For Birthdays

A father telling his daughter some birthday dad jokes as she blows out her birthday candles

What happens if no one turns up to your birthday party? You get to have you cake and eat it, too.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat any of its birthday cake? Because it was already stuffed!
Why don't kids remember their past birthday parties? They're too focused on the present!
What type of party do you throw for a dog’s birthday? A ball.
What are you if you go to a ghost birthday party? The life of the party!

Dad Jokes About Candles

Do you know why I get heartburn when I eat birthday cake? I always forget to blow out the candles!
Why do people put birthday candles on top of a birthday cake? Because you can't put them on the bottom, can you?!
What kind of candle burns longer than others? None, silly — they all burn shorter.
Why do candles love birthdays? They like to get lit.

Dad Jokes About Weddings

A father telling dad jokes while toasting at his daughter's wedding reception

I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers.
My antenna married my neighbor’s antenna. The wedding was not so good as this one, but the reception was fantastic!

Dad Jokes About Getting Married

Weddings create plenty of opportunities for dad to make jokes about getting married.

What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Can’t elope.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.
Did you hear about the two florists who got married? It was an arranged marriage.
Two cannonballs got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

Dad Jokes About Body & Mind

Dads can make jokes about exercising their bodies and minds.

Dad: Well, you know what they say, the memory is the second thing to go. Son: What's the first? Dad: I forget.
Stop thinking of them as “hot flashes.” Think of them as your inner child playing with matches.
I told my doctor I could only hear buzzing. He said don’t worry, it’s just a bug going around.

Dad Jokes About Getting Older

A senior couple being playful and active while telling each other dad jokes and laughing

How is the moon like dentures? Both come out at night.
What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.
If you lose something in a senior care home, don't stop looking until you've searched every nook and granny.
An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. "So," he says, "Do I come here often?"

Dad Jokes About Being Old

Dads love to make jokes about being old.

What is a prize old people can win for aging? Atrophy.
Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck…
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Dad Jokes About Relationships

My wife found a spider in our house and told me to take it out, so I did. We had a few drinks, pretty nice guy.
My wife screamed, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?!” What a weird place to start a conversation.
My wife is mad I keep introducing her as my “ex-girlfriend”. So I went with “ex-fiancé” instead.
Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?” Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.

Dad Jokes That Provoke A Good-Natured Eye Roll

These dad jokes can provoke a good-natured eye roll.

1. I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan.

2. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

Dad Jokes About Haircuts

How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"

Dad Jokes About Work

Why did the construction workers always bring a pencil to lunch? They wanted to draw their own conclusions!
Why did the sandwich get a promotion? Because he was the best thing since sliced bread.
Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.
I used to work for the paper business. But then it folded.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.

Dad Jokes About Father’s Day

What did the baby computer say to its dad on Father's Day? Happy Father's Day, Data!
Why don’t they have Father’s Day sales? Because fathers are priceless.
Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father’s Day? Because they thought he was the coolest dad.

Dad Jokes About Parenthood

This new dad has a lifetime of dad jokes ahead of him.

“Today my son asked me, ‘Can I have a bookmark’? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!”
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? “Bison!”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

Dad Jokes About Books

What has a spine but no bones? A book.
What would happen if you threw all the books in the ocean? It would cause a title wave.
Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.

Dad Jokes About Music

What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
What kind of music does a boulder like? Rock ‘n’ roll.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Dad Jokes About Money

Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
Where does 007 invest his money? In the bond market.
What did the comedian say when he walked into the bank? This is a standup.

Dad Jokes About Cars

What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas? A Ford Siesta.
I couldn’t figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S? Automobile.

Dad Jokes About Laziness

Feeling lazy? There's a dad joke for that, too.

Don’t get mad at lazy people. They didn’t do anything.
Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.” Interviewee: “Lazy.”
Want to hear a joke about procrastination? I’ll tell you later.

Dad Jokes About Summer

What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
What do you call a Golden Retriever at the beach? A hot dog.
Why don’t fish go on summer vacation? Because they’re always in schools.

Dad Jokes About Love

We're not socks. But I think we'd make a great pair.
Do you like vegetables? Because I love you from my head tomatoes.
Never laugh at your significant other's choices — because you happen to be one of them.

Dad Jokes That Make You Think

These dad jokes are so bad, they're good.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should have put it on aloha setting.
Don’t trust Adams. They make up everything.
What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.

Dad Jokes About Houses

These dad jokes are actually kind of funny.

How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it’s on the house.
Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.

Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.
I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

Dad Jokes About Technology

What was the spider doing on the computer? He was making a web-site.
What did the computer have during his break time? He had a byte!
What shoes do computers love the most? Re-boots.
Why did the computer go to the dentist? To get his Bluetooth checked.

Corny Dad Jokes

These dad jokes are so bad, they're actually good.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Why can't a leopard hide? He's always spotted.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Cheesy Dad Jokes

Why are pirates called pirates? They just ARRRR!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.

Dad Jokes About Chores

Need a good laugh? These dad jokes are actually kind of funny.

I’m really not into spring cleaning. Come to think of it, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s just something I could really see myself doing.
When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
My wife and I were having an argument about whose turn it was to do the laundry. In the end, I threw in the towel.

Dad Jokes About Families

My son has his BA and his MA, but his PA still supports him.
My daughter’s fourth birthday was today. When she came to see me, I didn’t recognize her at first. I had never seen her be four.
I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but the kids still get in.

Dad Jokes About Social Media

Why did the scarecrow join LinkedIn? Because he wanted to become outstanding in his field!
What did the dad say when he couldn't log into his social media account? "Looks like I'll have to face(book) the music!"
Why did the dad take a ladder to his Instagram profile? Because he heard it had a lot of posts!
What do you call someone who gets easily annoyed in the comments section? An insta-grump.

Dad Jokes About Reading

I'm reading a book about mazes. I got lost in it!
I'm reading a book about submarines. It's super deep!
I'm reading a book about glue. I can't seem to put it down!
I'm reading a book on clocks. It's about time!
Let’s make a reservation at the library before they’re booked!
What's a librarian's favorite type of music? Shhh-mooth jazz!

Dad Jokes About Drinks

Why did the coffee call the cops? It got mugged!
What type of coffee does a vampire drink? Decoffin-ated!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his tea before it was cool!
How does a coffee bean hit on someone? "Hey brew-tiful!"
Why is coffee so good at solving mysteries? Because it always has a latte clues!
What do you call a nervous cup of tea? Anxi-tea!
What's coffee’s favorite type of music? R&Brew!
What do you call a sad cup of tea? Steeped in sorrow!
Why did the tea leaf avoid the hot water? It said, "I'm not ready to steep into that yet!"

Dad Jokes About Vacation

Why don't oysters go on vacation? Because they're shellfish!
Why do cows love vacation? Because they can moo-ve freely!
Why did the math book go to the beach? To work on its tan!
What did the beach say when the tide came in? Long time, no sea!
Why did the computer go to the beach? To surf the net!

Random Dad Jokes

Why don't skeletons get out of town during the Halloween season? They don't have the guts!
Why was the math book upset? It had too many problems.
How do you put together a space party? You planet.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta
I wish I could tell you a joke about an elevator, but it's an uplifting experience.
Why don't airplanes ever get lost? Because they always wing it!
Why did the ghosts go to the party? It was all for the boos.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I used to hate facial hair... but then it grew on me.
Why did the bicycle go to bed so early? It was two-tired!
Why are scientists so skeptical of atoms? Because they make up everything!

This article was originally published on May 14, 2024

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823 Essay Jokes That Will Write Their Way Into Your Heart

Essay Jokes

Short Essay Jokes

Essay Jokes One-Liners

Essay Dad Jokes

Essay Jokes for Kids

Essay Jokes for Adults

Essay Joke Generator

FAQs About Essay Jokes

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